DJK Makes School Optional for the Seniors(Satire)

Kimberly Vu-Smith


Seniors, we are nearing the end of our final year of high school and we have done absolutely nothing. Every morning we wake up to do the same silly little routine we’ve done for the past year: wake up, log into Google Meet, turn our microphone and camera off, and take a nap. “It’s like my naps are a long Tabata (an interval form of working out). I sleep for the duration of the class, get back up to log off the meeting and join the new one, then go back to sleep,” says Nairobi Toombs ‘21.

What is the point of paying attention to our long classes, when you can nap, watch TV, or literally do anything else. “I have had perfect attendance since being in the Academic Center and I don’t want to break that streak, especially when it will affect me graduating,” says Emma Lynch ‘21. Some seniors, like Emma, are worried about not being able to graduate. Well, folks, Dr. Kenner just sent out in her March 14th Weekly that school is COMPLETELY OPTIONAL for seniors!!! One of the questions in the weekly was “Is there an attendance requirement for seniors to graduate this year?” and Dr. Kenner’s response was “I would say no…” We did it! We will still be able to prance in our cap and gown, donning our outfits in what will probably be the school parking lot, even after attending zero classes. Thanks to COVID-19 and online school, the one thing we are being gifted this year is graduating with a million absences. “I can’t take my naps peacefully throughout the school day now!” states Joshua Mhoon ‘21. 

Well, there you have it. Graduating class of 2021, aside from not doing any of the fun things we have waited our entirety of high school for, we are free to spend our days however we like. Who cares about Prom, Homecoming, and Blackout when we can still grab our diploma. See you all on June 16th in the parking lot!