BACON: Bears Enter Free Agency with a BANG!


Photos courtesy of Bears Pro Shop 2023.

Isaac Uram, Sports Editor

The Chicago Bears are in the middle of an all-out rebuild. This year, with the most money to spend out of all NFL teams, they made some pretty crazy moves. As a sports reporter, it is my job to help you make sense of this crazy offseason. Here are the Bears acquisitions:

*QB Tom Brady

*A bunch of dudes who played with Brady

*WR Odell Beckham Jr. and JuJu Smith-Schuster

*OL Orlando Brown, Isaac Seumalo, Conner McGoven

*CB Rock Ya-Sin

*RB Dalvin Cook

*LB Brian Burns

*OLB Lebron James

*DE Jadeveon Clowney

*S Chauncey Gardner-Johnson

*DT Ndamukong Suh

Whew! The Bears REALLY went wild this time! Probably the biggest highlight move is LeBron James. The basketball star decided he wanted a taste of the amazing game of football. ¨I love basketball. I love all the people who have helped on my basketball journey. But I know the time is right to take a nice break,” James said in a Twitter statement on March 19th. ¨I will be signing a 2-year contract worth 1 million dollars, fully guaranteed, with the Bears. Bear Down! Let’s win the Super Bowl!¨ In the days that followed, James´ jersey has already been sold 14 million times. Order yours today!

Shortly after the signing of James, 47-year old Tom Brady announced that he would come out of retirement to play with James and the Bears. ¨Two sports legends on ONE football team?! Let’s go for LOMBARDI!!¨ Following this, practically everyone Brady has ever played with wanted to join the Bears. The Bears are much older now, but the names are INSANE.

Well there you have it. The Bears are now America’s team. They have all the stars and- wait,what? Hold on, I am getting a call. DEREK JETER?! THE BEARS ARE SIGNING WHO?!