Whitney Young teachers have recently expressed concern about releasing their classes on time as they fear for students’ safety. After crowds of students have been pummeled through or run over by vicious speeding ackies, faculty and staff have started brainstorming other ways to ensure the safety of the rest of the grade levels.
“The other day I was making my way down to Ms. Danesh’s English class when a pair of ackies pummeled me in a split second and were gone before I could even strike back!” said victim Julio Martinez from the class of 2024.
So now the question comes, where are all these ackies going at such high speeds? Could they be plotting to reform the average walking speed? Perchance. Truthfully, their competitive nature and their passion for adrenaline were the factors that initially kicked off the idea of racing to class. Rumors say that ackies have been holding illegal ackie-sack races during the passing periods, knocking down any obstacles that stand in their way.
Prosecution is not yet an option as there is no hard cold evidence to tie the ackies to the rumored drag races. By the time security gets to the scene of the crime, there is no one to be seen. Security footage only shows blobs zooming by. These ackies are too good and too fast, so the administration has taken more extreme measures.
After turning in the footage for expert analysis and review (and slowing it down by about 475%), forensic video analysts were able to conclude that the tale of ackie-sack racing is true. Five minute passing periods are far too long for these criminal ackies. An anonymous attendee submitted a detailed witness report of what goes on during these drag races. Weaving their way through blue house traffic, the ackies begin to congregate on the arts bridge. They line up their best racers and sound the alarm. The winner is crowned the ackie-sack champion.
Mr. Harris enforced new speed regulations for the hallways, but no amount of rules or laws will hold these ackies back from crowning their ackie-sack champion.
