Satire: NEW Girl Scout Cookie flavors! Thin Mints and Samoas are gone!

Chloe Kim

GO! Day in Girl Scout vocabulary is a time of excitement for many people who get to order their favorite Girl Scout cookies. I know my personal favorites are the Caramel deLites, or commonly known as Samoas and the Thin Mints. There is a lot of controversy about which cookies are the best which is why Girl Scouts has discontinued the old cookies and plans on introducing new flavors for next year (2022). 

Cookies are tasty and a sweet escape, but Girl Scout Cookies are more than that because they are a craving you can only fulfill once a year. Girl Scout Cookies has decided to discontinue flavors like the Thin Mints, Trefoils, Samoas, Tagalongs, Do-si-dos, and Caramel Chocolate Chip. They were discontinued for various health and customer complaint issues. But, they have created new cookie flavors as a fresh new lineup.


Here is the new lineup of Girl Scout Cookies.

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Craven Raisin: Squishy, moist cookies made of nothing but raisins that is delightfully simple and tasty.



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Everything Cookie Not Bagel: Crunchy and well-seasoned cookie that tastes like your favorite everything bagel seasoning.


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Ice Ice Baby: Lemon, cucumber, and mango infused in ice making it both refreshing and sweet.



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Kool-Kid Kookie: Partnered with Kool-Aid is the newest, and most colorful soft cookie.


While these new flavors might seem odd and completely out of the box, many of the Girl Scouts customers are giving high ratings for their innovative business move. Elon Musk, one of the richest, most successful business owners said, “This is the smartest and most creative business move I have seen yet. I wish I thought of that sooner.” 

In order to ensure that their cookies met the highest standards, multiple chefs were asked to give their honest ratings on the new flavors. According to Gordon Ramsey, arguably the most famous chef in the world, “I wouldn’t have been able to create any better flavors myself. I’ve had a lot of success, I’ve had failures, but this would be labeled as a success.”

On top of everything else, there are rumors that these new cookies have special substances that will help our bodies fight COVID-19 if contracted. We were able to get a quote from Anthony Fauci, an American physician-scientist and immunologist and chief medical advisor to the president. He noted that there is scientific proof that these new cookies will help “build the antibodies to protect us against COVID-19.” But, we will have to wait and see how the community responds to the introduction of these new cookies.