Bacon Whitney Young Bathroom Art Declared National Historic Landmark


Photo Credits: Steven Jiang and Ellie Van Houten

Steven Jiang , Staff Writer

Next time you walk past Gold House, you will be traversing past an official, living part of history. That’s right, the boys bathroom on the third floor, located just a few steps from Gold House, was recently designated as a “historic property that illustrates the heritage of the United States, representing an outstanding aspect of American history and culture,” according to the National Park Service. Specifically, the prominent graffiti scattered throughout the facility, from Sharpie scrawls to deep etchings, has been deemed as culturally and aesthetically significant. It also reflects our great city, or at least its expressways.
“The inscriptions in this bathroom embody the thought processes of adolescents over the course of a generation, and undoubtedly reflect a tradition of academic excellence,” said a spokesman for the Illinois
Historic Preservation Agency. “Such sophisticated and colorful language!” A special team of archaeologists have embarked on the painstaking excavation process, which involves carefully scraping through layers of
paint. So far, they have uncovered love confessions, single-player games of tic-tac-toe, and even the complete lyrics to a musical masterpiece, the Burger King “Whopper Whopper” jingle. Unfortunately, the remainder of
the messages and “works of art” are not exactly suitable to be printed in the Bacon.
According to Dr. Vant Elyze, professor of archaeology at the University of Chicago, some carvings recently discovered on the wall may be linked to the ancient Egyptian civilization. A deciphered hieroglyphic roughly
translating to “SUS AMOGUS” may reveal profound prophetic enlightenment on the part of the pharaohs. Another inscription possibly points to the true identity of the now-infamous bird on the third floor…*
This designation comes just weeks after the unprecedented announcement by the National Park Service that the locker of an Academic Center student was to become the first ever National Historic

Needless to say, on a more serious note, don’t vandalize school property.
*The Central Intelligence Agency has declined a request to comment.