Spooktober disaster

Enrique Eguiguren, Hippity Hoppity man

Tragedy struck today on the Arts Bridge of Whitney Moore Young Magnet High School, where a 12 Ackie pile up occurred as a result of people pushing to look at the dance department’s “Thriller” performance. Dearborn Plys ‘19 said “As a licensed Frackie myself, it’s frightening to see the effects of dangerous Ackie transportation (or ‘ackspertation,’ as the kids say). I think that serious Ackie reform is the solution to this vital issue, and it should be pursued by Ms. Zalon, chair of the department of Ackie transportation.”

Several Ackies are in critical condition and were rushed to Rush Hospital on the backs of the varsity track team. While they’re expected to pull through, this is a solemn day for many people. DJ Ken Ken ordered the flag be hung at half-mast to honor the students, who are expected to transfer to Payton for their freshman year.