Where is All of the Grass Going?

Vegans have gone too far. Try to think back to when you were a kid. It’s a nice hot summer day and the sun’s out. You are with your friends and you guys are playing two-hand touch football. What comes to your mind? What do you smell or see? You might be thinking of grass. You can smell the grass in your nose. You can see a never ending wave of green. But that has changed. Vegans have consumed all of the grass throughout the United States. I mean look at these before and after pictures.

As you can see, all of the grass is gone. I mean who wants this for their kids’ future. “I don’t want my kids to grow up without grass. I mean, getting grass stains on your new jeans that your mom just bought you is a part of being a kid,” says Senator Ted Cruz. I mean ,why don’t vegans just eat meat like regular people? Why must they take our grass from us? Our nice green and beautiful sea. Local vegan Sarah Smith says that “Vegans don’t eat grass. I don’t know who told you that.” I could clearly tell that Sarah was lying through her teeth. What else do vegans eat, vegetables, YUCK. The only possible explanation is grass. I mean if you don’t believe me, maybe you will believe an expert. Dr Zachary Snisberg, professional ice cream tester says that “Vegetarians, like other herbivores, mainly get their nutrients from grass.”Ladies and gentlemen he is a doctor so he has to be correct. 

So how do we stop vegans from eating all of the grass I propose that we ban everybody from eating anything that is green. This will stop vegans from eating all of the grass. I know what you are thinking, “how are we going to eat vegetables?” The answer is you don’t. Vegetables don’t taste good either, so why would you want to eat them? Just eat meat. Also which one do you like more: grass or vegetables.  Do you like eating broccoli and asparagus more than running around in the grass with your friends. So that is my solution to this dilemma that we are going to face in the near future. It may not be the best solution, but it is a solution. It could pave the way to better solutions to stop vegans from eating all of the grass. Let’s just hope that this article gets to the world and warns them of what is going to happen.