March Madness Canceled

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March Madness Canceled

Jack Banks

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Shortly after Oregon’s victory over UC Irvine late Sunday night, the NCAA was forced to cancel the rest of March Madness, after reports that it caused immense distraction in classrooms across the country. It had gotten to the point where more students were solely focused on pointless basketball games, missing out on essential information in their classes.

At Whitney Young, the tournament caused madness in the lunchrooms, as students swarmed the televisions. The practice of creating a bracket led to division among students, pitting fans of one team against fans of others. This tension turned into a nasty brawl after Auburn pulled off a one point victory over New Mexico State, as students who had chosen New Mexico to win in their brackets were furious that they missed the game tying free throw. “When I saw him miss that last shot I was so mad I flipped my lunch table and punched a random kid in the face. My bracket was busted.” said an anonymous senior. One poor seventh grader was unfortunately caught in the crossfire and was injured. With tears in his eyes, he said, “I never wanted to be a part of this. I don’t even like basketball, I just wanted to eat my sandwich in peace,” said Kenny ‘24.

In classrooms, countless students spent the entire day live-streaming games on their phones and computers. “I gave a test on Friday, and not a single student took it, as they were all intently watching a basketball game,” said Mr. Rehak. The plague that is March Madness has poisoned the minds of students, turning them all into animals. Now that it has finally been put to an end, students at Whitney Young will be able to enjoy their studies without any distraction.

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